Various Thoughts

When I was a boy, I was visiting our hometown for annual family reunion. There was a canal about a mile away where we frequently would go to in the morning as our family sponsored a natural health camp next to it. The canal was laid by English many years ago to get more agricultural yield out of that land. I mention all this to highlight that the flow of water in the canal is not natural. A human sitting somewhere decides how much water comes in the canal and that determines the speed at which water is flowing. The canal was rather shallow and I could stand in it and I did not know how to swim even at that age.

The scene is set now. Imagine young umesh going to this canal in the morning with family and enjoying nice cool water in the summer morning. Even at that age, I was more focused on me as opposed to being social. Thankfully, i was not totally stupid and after many people left the waters, I did notice that people are moving away and water is flowing faster. A cousin sister was with me and she also felt the same. We try to get out of the water. She was quick to take someone's hand and come out. But not me. I was very proud and confident and would not accept help. Soon the people who could help also moved away and it became increasingly difficult for me to come out. Thankfully, God had willed me more life and after a scare I got out. Of course, I did not confess my confidence to others for many years.

Fast forward to my adult years. I am a young professional and I have a big ego now that God will save me. I have an opportunity of a lifeitme to work on the trading floor and Dan gives me a test and goes home. Tracy is sitting there watching me. He really wants me to get the job so he can move on and he gives me the solution. I write it and submit it and get the job. Suddenly, my life changes and my ego keeps going up, no matter what happens, god will come save me and it has. i have always accepted help when it came and I much richer now than what my conifdent friends who believe in doing it all by themselves. The success stories of my ego and failure stories of my confidence are endless.

I actually do not know the exact difference between confidence and Ego. Maybe my experiences can be read by exchanging the words ego and confidence and you can take your own pick about what works for you, ego or confidence. I think of these conversations in the context of a phrase 'chasing his own tail'. A mouse chasing his own tail for food, never gets it but is confident that it can get it evntually. It is also not open to any suggestion about changing its strategy. Any interaction with it is considered an interruption, causes irritable behavior and is beyond consideration. It knows that hard work will get him to his target.

Let us say that above makes some sense and one agrees that chasing your own tail is not a very smart thing. You will not get the food and you will be hungry for a long time if you are not caught already. The question now transforms itself. How do yuo know when you are doing it and how do you know when others are doing it. The point being that when you are doing it, you are wasting your precious time and when others doing, they are usually irritable. When someone else is being irritable, is that person not a nice person or is he chasing his tail at that particular moment. A correct judgment of the situation is usually followed by a more productive day.

This leads into another interesting idea. Should I judge a person by actions or by the thoughts behind it, assuming I can accurately guess it. The actions still need a respone, one should not ignore misbehavior but what action should it be. In mathematics, there is usually a trivial answer that solves the equation and there is sometimes another answer that, once found, can be very productive in solving problems. In a different field, some separate tactical thinking with strategic thinking. I do not know these big words but I do know what I know.

If I am in a jungle and I come across a wild stallion, I can either put it down or turn it into a ride that can carry me across lands. The choice is mine alone. I need to know what I want and I need to have the skills to tame the animal. If I am going nowhere, I will probably put the animal down. Those of us who are on constant move look at things differently. We usually try to figure out how to turn a particular situation to our advantage. We develop special skills in paying attention to details and what may be going on behind the scene. You see, once you know how an animal thinks, you can put it your use and have it do your biddling. People with pets know that already. The other thing about jungle is that either you are a hunter or a hunted. So, it comes down to - are you the food for others - or - do you know how to turn someething into food.

While traversing through a river, there is frequently a choice between catching the big current out or fight with the banks or come out of the river. Each person makes own choice. some want to swim with big sharks that lurk in the big water where there is no bank.